"My Life So Far..."

Saturday, October 23, 2004 at 11:33 PM


i dont know where i am right now. what is my status with regards to life. i am twenty five years old and yet i havent been anywhere. yes, i have been to places but i guess that is not important. my life is boring (or so it seems). i have reached this age and i havent even finished school yet.i have reached this age and yet im still naive on how the real world works. i have reached this age and im still clueless on life. i have reached this age and still i feel lost. i dont know, i guess i am lost. my future is bleak. i am still in the dark. i know. you maybe laughing now. it is a cliche. the thing about being lost, that is.

over a year ago, i made a decision that changed my life completely. i mean completely. every aspect of my life has been changed. from the smallest issues to the biggest,that decision utterly change my life.i dont know. but right now, im on the verge of feeling sorry that i made that phone call. had i not done it, i wonder what my life would be now? but i guess there is no use in crying over spilled milk, or is there?

i have so many issues in my life. i dont where to turn to. my life has been shattered. and the pieces has been scattered.and it would take me time to pick up the pieces of my shattered life...

you might think that i do not make sense. i know, most people do not understand my actions. they only try to understand.but if you would only look closer, if you would only take time to listen. then maybe, just maybe there would be a flick of light that would help you understand the real me.

i am taking my life one step at a time. i try to be a goody-two-shoes people want me to.for once i try to listen to what they are trying to tell me. i made my life miserable. and now i need the help of others to correct my path. i am blindfolded and i need another person to help me navigate so i can find my way.i also try to put my shoes on theirs and try to analyse my life . i am on the outside looking in.

my life so far has been a cacophony of feelings. i have laughed, i haved cried, i have gone through many things. i have been drunk a couple of times, i have been left out, i have been cheated and i have learned (or i keep telling myself that i have). but still i do not know if this is my life. i am not sure if i am doing the right thing. i am still not sure if this is what fate has to offer me.i can never tell. but one thing is for sure, and i am happy that at least there is a clear thing in my life. i want to spend the rest of my life with this person. i dont know if he does the same. whatever it takes, i would still want it. i have been through many things. and life is short to be afraid. wherever this will take me. so be it. at least i wouldnt be the person thinking or trying to figure out "what if?"

as the old song goes, " i know i'll never love this way again. so i keep holding on..."

Wednesday, October 20, 2004 at 4:27 AM

what a way to start my blog!

what a way to start my day. i was almost late for work. my head hurts. so bad i guess it would split in two! while in my head i was reliving what happened last night. last night,i had the biggest argument in my life. biggest? i guess my life depends on that discussion. as usual, i was the one who is loss for words. i wasnt able to defend my side. i was intimidated. and i left. i wasnt sure if i can go back again. god knows how much i wanted to. anyway, i went off work early. i told them that my throat hurts. where in reality it is me who is really hurting. i am lost. dont know what to do. my life is so complicated and all tangled-up, i dont know which one to fix...

welcome to my world!

at 1:59 AM

My Life So Far

You are about to experience what I have gone through.

Be prepared!

As I will take you to a journey entitled...

"My life so far..."